Hey, why isn't all milk ultra-pasteurized? I just drank some that was the case and I looked at the date and it said it would expire in June. June! That's like 3 months away! Unless that's 2005...in that case, excuse me while I throw up.

Spring up for daylight savings time. The clocks go forward by one hour. While pretty much everyone else will wake up an hour later, I will wake up at the same time since my body is just messed up like that.

Mitch Hedberg died a year ago this week and even to this day, I'm still quoting his jokes. What a guy he was.

It's opening night for baseball and the O's will battle the Devil Rays in the first series of the year on Monday. The O's have a mixed-up team this year with the front office fulfilling probably half of what they wanted to do while trying to deal with the Tejada blow-up. The potential is there but it needs to be perfect because the rest of the AL East is more talented than this team. The starting rotation is decent with Cabrera aiming to be the ace soon and Leo Mazzone, the heralded Braves pitching coach, at the helm. The one move I couldn't understand is the arrival of Ramon Hernandez. It left Javy Lopez with nothing to do. I didn't believe he could make the move to first and this spring proved it. The question of what to do with Javy and the glut of outfielders this team has will make it difficult for the O's to develop a rhythm. And don't get me started about the lack of relief pitching. A 4th place would sound right, but of course, as a fan, I'm hoping for a lot better than that.

Lemme just conclude by saying X at Magic Mountain is one great ride. Go ride it as long as you're not paying the obscene $60 to get in.