Lara Croft Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life
In a sequel to the disappointing original, Angelina Jolie is back as Lara Croft to save the world. Somewhere in Africa is Pandora's Box, a weapon more powerful than anyone has imagined. What does it do? I'm not entirely sure; they never do mention it, I don't think, or I missed it. Rest assured, it's evil and will kill millions, or did they say billions? As you can see, I didn't pay too much attention to this flimsy movie. It all started with a hidden temple of Alexander the Great. A nearby earthquake uncovers it for Lara and she dives underwater to find it. There, she finds an orb, quickly taken by some Chinese raiders. They are going to sell it to Jonathan Reiss (Ciaran Hinds), a Nobel-prize winning biologist now working for evil, releasing deadly diseases to get what he wants. To get the orb back for herself, MI:6, and her majesty the Queen, Lara enlists the help of ex-Royal Marine, ex-lover Terry Sheridan (Gerard Butler) who has ties with these raiders. Long story short, she gets the orb back from Reiss and finds out that the orb leads the way to Africa where the box could be found. However, Reiss and Sheridan are hot on her heels to get there first.

This movie is full of waste. Wasted scenes leading to nowhere. (We find out about the temple through the effects of an earthquake at a wedding party. What's the point of having a wedding party in the first place?) Wasted action that clearly have no point and ends ridiculously. (Croft escapes the collapsing temple but her blood attracts a shark. How does she get out? She punches the shark! Can you do that?) Wasted characters. (Sheridan helps and helps and helps as best he can without looking helpless himself, and suddenly in the middle of the movie, Croft leaves him, never to be seen until the end.) Wasted music. (Geez, that thing I was hearing was music?) There's more, but we'll stop at wasted talent. Jolie is clearly the star and the movie treats her as so. But wasting Djimon Honsou in a two-bit role is a shame. He clearly has the potential to be a great actor but all he's done is be the token African in a movie, whether it be the African slave (Amistad), African warrior (Gladiator), tortured African prisoner (TV's ER), and now, African tribesman/translator. He does excellent in everything offered to him. But give him a different role to play! There's also the wasted talents of Croft's assistants who provide the comic relief, in it for probably 5 minutes tops. Anyway, director Jan de Bont is a long way from his greatest directed pic "Speed" or even Twister. Here, what lacks in pure excitement he adds pointless action which messes up the entire film. To his credit, the end is vastly superior to what came before it, save for the unnecessary CG monsters and what happens to Sheridan. And Jolie lights up the screen with her charm, beauty, and her presence on-screen. Too bad the movie around her couldn't keep up. 1.5 stars

Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl
Like the title says, there's a curse on the Black Pearl. The pirates who inhabit the ship are human in daylight and skeletons in moonlight. They also can't die. To break free from it, they need to gather all the pieces from Cortez's treasure and spill the blood from one of the Turner family members on them. Flash to Port Royal, where the pirates have found the last piece, in the posession of the governor's daughter Elizabeth Swann, played by the beautiful Keira Knightley. Believing she is the key to lifting the curse, the pirates kidnap her instead of the true person who can do so, Elizabeth's childhood friend Will Turner (Orlando Bloom). While the governor and Elizabeth's promised husband, Commodore Norrington, are undecided on what to do, Turner is determined to get his love back and enlists the help of Jack Sparrow, former captain of the Black Pearl. A mutiny occured on board and he was abandoned on an island while Barbossa elevated himself to captain of the ship. With Turner driven to get his lady and Sparrow his ship, they commandeer a British ship and sail off in search for the Black Pearl.

Based on the Disneyland ride, you'll be enjoying it much longer than the 3-minute ride. There's outstanding visuals from the bright ocean scenes to the down and dirty Black Pearl to the dark caves where the treasures are hidden. Credit the enjoyment to director Gore Verbinski, whose last work was the creepy Ring. Credit the visuals to producer Jerry Bruckheimer, who always has a sense for action, though he does go overboard at times (i.e. Bad Boys II). The star of the show is Depp, who has transformed the definition of what a pirate can be. Rush is fun to watch as is Bloom, who seems to only do movies where he's got a weapon to hold. Knightley lights up the screen with all the makings of a successful career. The most important thing though is the movie is careful to be serious and not too serious at the same time. It makes the movie playful and fun to watch even if it makes the film simplistic and, in this case, long to explain everything. With an actor like Depp leading the way, you'll definitely have fun. 3 stars

Bad Boys II
Yes, the bad boys are back. Martin Lawrence and Will Smith reprise their roles as Miami detectives, trying to stop the latest in a line of drug smugglers. This newest one involves the son of a funeral home owner, who's using the coffins and corpses to ship money and cocaine back and forth between Miami and Cuba. Of course, buddy cop movies wouldn't be called as such without internal conflict. Marcus's sister, Syd (Gabrielle Union), is secretly dating Mike (Smith) and hasn't told Marcus (Lawrence) yet. Marcus is tired of Mike's actions and is threatening to transfer to a different department. The captain (Joe Pantoliano) is having a fit with both of them and is threatening to have their badges. And on it goes...

The principal complaint is that it's too long, which it is. The 20-minute ending seems to only show off that they got to blow up a really nice house. The car chase in the middle of the film is never ending. The humvee crashes through one too many shacks going down the hill. But in a movie produced by Jerry Bruckheimer and directed by Michael Bay (who makes a cameo in the film), you have to expect action, action, action. And action is what you receive. The individual scenes are thrilling to watch. But watching basically the same thing about 10 times in 150 minutes is very tiring to watch. It doesn't help to be grossed out by the decapitated corpses rolling down the streets or watching the same closeup shots of guns and the strained looks on their faces as they're shooting. While the film piles on the action, it also tries to be funny and while it is at times, its topics are severely limited, from homophobia to rats and all those dead people. As a result, what you have is a tired movie at its supposed peak of creativity. 2 stars

Johnny English
British comedian Rowan Atkinson, better known to most as Mr. Bean, returns to the states to present "Johnny English", an already successful international hit. Atkinson plays the title character, an intelligence gatherer who dreams of becoming an agent with British intelligence. He gets that chance when all the other agents are killed. His first assignment is to protect the crown jewels of England, something he fails at. In his investigation to find them, all signs lead to Pascal Sauvage (John Malkovich with a playful French accent), but he must go through obstacles to implicate him. Helping him is his partner Bough (Ben Miller) and French agent Lorna Campbell (Natalie Imbruglia, taking a break from her singing career). English soon finds out stealing the crown jewels is the first step in making him king and turn England into one large prison.

Maybe because I was such a huge fan of Mr. Bean, I was disappointed by this film since it never reached that level of physical comedy. But Atkinson's actions are funny, nonetheless. He has that thing called timing that all comedians must have. From the writers of two recent Bond movies, "Johnny English" has all the elements of a well-done comedy. Yes, there are a lot of unnecessary sight gags, something that has dragged the Austin Powers sequels, but it makes up for it with its wordplay and the situations the inexperienced English finds himself in. One problem though is in any spy movie, you're supposed to take the spy seriously to make you believe he could do the job. Austin Powers had this aura. Johnny English does not. The director puts in scenes showing off English's fighting and driving skills, but in others, he can't fire off a gun and can't scout a location correctly. As a result, you can't honestly believe he is a spy. Instead, it's a collection of funny scenes starring a guy who's playing a really bad spy. 2.5 stars

May 12, 1970

What does this date and golf have in common? At the Masters this year, Canadian lefty Mike Weir won the tournament with May 12, 1970 as his birthday. At the U.S. Open, also this year, Jim Furyk won the tournament with May 12, 1970 as his birthday as well.

Coming into the British Open, the course at Royal St. George was the true story with its hilly fairways and strong winds. In fact, by the end, only one player came in under par. And it was a guy who had never played a major tournament before and his last win was on the Hooters Tour (now the Nationwide Tour). So congratulations to Ben Curtis, who has moved up from 396th to 35th best in the world and can brag that he held off Tiger Woods and Vijay Singh and others to win the oldest golf championship in the world.

Oh yeah, the date. Sadly, Curtis' birthday is not May 12, 1970. In fact, the only other golfer with that birthday is Andrew Coltart, who wasn't able to qualify for the Open. That left the services of his caddie open to whomever needed him that weekend. A first-timer did need a caddie and enlisted his services. His name? Ben Curtis.


Remember when professional wrestling showed wrestling instead of mixing in pathetic drama as it does today? Then you may remember one wrestler named the Ultimate Warrior, who wore $3 makeup that wasn't waterproof and had an "electric jolt" when he shook the ropes. After losing his title and coming back for a brief stint a few years later, he's been very quiet in the wrestling world. Whatever happened to him? Flipping to C-SPAN2, it appears he's in the public speaking business. He was speaking at the Conservative Students Conference. With a suit big enough to hold his huge body, he talked and talked for at least a half hour about inspirational things. I really wasn't listening. I was looking at his semi-good serious Washington image, aside from his long hair, and laughing hysterically at the description the serious C-SPAN people put on the bottom of the screen: Warrior - Former WWF Champion.

And just when you thought Congress is a boring place where people in fancy suits mouth off complicated stuff that'll put you to sleep, this happens.

The House Ways and Means Committee was considering a pension bill. The night before, the Republican leader of the committee proposed his own party's substitute to put up for a vote. The next morning, Democrats decided to have the substitute read in its entirety as a delay tactic while they congregated next door in a library to set up some kind of strategy. To keep quorum, they left one Democrat in the chamber, 70-year-old Pete Stark, representative of Fremont and surrounding areas. Leader Bill Thomas didn't like the delay, so he called the police and the sergeant-in-arms to get the Democrats back into the hearing room, but to no avail. So he forced the reading to be suspended and asked if there were any objections with the bill. Hearing none, he quickly gaveled to end the hearing. Stark wanted his objection heard but Thomas replied it was too late. Prior to the gavel, Stark was unhappy with the reading of the bill, noting that "its eloquence overwhelms me, Mr. Chairman, just like your intellect does." To this, Colorado Congressman Scott McInnis told Stark to "shut up."

Stark replied, "Oh, you think you are big enough to make me. You little wimp. I said come over here and make me. I dare you. You are a little fruitcake. You are a little fruitcake. I said you are a fruitcake."

McInnis took this as a threat to his life, even though Stark was 20 years his senior. Calling the police is a big no-no in House decorum, since they're used to keep people out instead of control the people inside. Republicans defend their actions saying the police were needed to bring order to the room while Democrats believe it was to clear them out of the library.

Whatever the case, Democrats took their actions to the main floor, tying up pending legislation, and spending 3 hours discussing the conduct of the committee. A resolution condemning Thomas' actions failed and no formal apologies were given.

Just 24 hours earlier, congressmen were standing side-by-side cheering for British Prime Minister Tony Blair and now it has degenerated into this. How do I respond? Good for them. It's no secret they don't like each other. Just let it out. Don't fool the American people that all this cordial behavior is normal. If it was, why doesn't government work better than it is now? Fight for what you believe. Look at Britain. They can say and do whatever they want, I guess short of fighting. Their House of Commons seems passionate in their work while our representatives seem like ramblers stuck in red tape.

Just wanted to let you know about two tests.

The first involves my sister. I've driven with her a couple of times, one good, one bad. She doesn't seem to signal, doesn't look both ways, etc. Today was her driving test and wouldn't you know it, she passed. Things have changed since I've taken the driving test, but now they count the number of errors instead of going by a point system and she had 7 errors, less than the 15 needed to pass. And now another driver is on the road. Good thing there's no car for her to drive yet. I get home today and there's a nice phone call with her telling me of her triumph. She's enjoying it since she knows I didn't experience the same success she did. I took it a number of times before receiving my license. But hey, no tickets or accidents in 3+ years.

The second involves my econ midterm, which I've told to a couple of people but not the complete story. My professor proudly proclaims that there will be a midterm containing all the material discussed in class. That may include the tangents he uses to relate things to topics such as his divorce in relation to east-west migration. So I study what's in my notes. He says don't worry about it. If you were here, you'll do well. And boy was he right. The questions were verbatim from his lectures. For example, he discussed three major points of a particular article. The exam question asks what were the three major points of that article. But I noticed when I answered the question, I did it in a quarter of the page, the long ones in about a page. The three people in front of me were writing like crazy. One of them was on his second blue book when I ultimately used half of one. What details were I missing? I decide I wasn't missing anything. I wrote what he asked of us and I turned it in with 30 minutes to spare.

Flash forward to today, where he has them graded. First, he says he used a checklist for each question looking for the perfect answer. Second, he said grades were assigned in comparison to the quality of answers of the rest of the class. I was scared. I wasn't as verbose as the other people and if he's comparing what the others did, I was in deep trouble. Then he goes on to say the mean was a 75. Geez, that's pretty low for an easy test like this, though the median was an 81. He's passing out tests and gets to mine last. Open it up. 95.

I've noticed I've been watching way more TV than usual. Is it summertime boredom? Possibly. Is it the quality of shows? Heck no. Have you seen the shows on TV? Most are just horrible or at least sounds horrible. It maybe explains why I mostly watch reruns or the news.

Almost all the bad ones fall in the category of reality television, cheap "real-life" programming networks can just plug into their schedule. Have you seen the crap put out there?

Who Wants to Marry My Dad? - The title speaks for itself. At least it isn't a millionaire. It's an awful match-me-up show from the creators of Meet My Folks, another awful match-me-up show. You know what that means. Lie detector. It was a funny feature on the movie Meet the Parents, but here is unnecessary and really unwatchable since it's obvious the guy or gal will always be lying.

Cupid - Another awful match-me-up show consisting of a gal and her two friends picking or rejecting lines of guys. It's an interesting concept if only they didn't allow the show to degenerate into how shady the characters can get on the show. Would a guy trying to impress a lady really show up psycho, homeless, crazy, dirty, or all of the above? No, but Cupid seems to show all of them while showing probably one or two guys that pass the three ladies' tests. It's from Simon Cowell, the critical judge from American Idol, that overblown talent competition that doesn't seem to identify talent. As nice as they are, they're really not that good. Sure, I couldn't do any better, more likely much worse, but these are supposed to be America's idols, and instead they're marginal singers.

The Dating Experiment - Another awful match-me-up show where contestants spend their day at the whim of a mysterious diary. Never watched it and looking at the ratings, nobody else has either. So it has to be awful.

For Love or Money - Another awful match-me-up show which reverses the concept of Joe Millionaire, itself another awful match-me-up show. A guy dwindles the pool of women to 1 and that woman gets to choose between him and a million dollars. In the first installment, the lady has chosen the money. Now, in the inevitable sequel, she gets to choose from a pool of men or $2 million dollars. I wonder what she's gonna choose.

I can't think of any more match-me-up shows, but they're not all bad. Blind Date was successful. So was Love Connection and The Dating Game. But unlike those, this new crop of shows, plus The Bachelor, The Bachelorette, that mask one on FOX, etc., involve marriage and once you get into the life-changing business, the show ultimately degenerates into a series of hoops everyone must go through that's tedious, lame, unnecessary, and dull. The three "good" ones made us laugh and if they didn't like each other, hey that's it. They didn't have to spend 6 months in front of millions of people to find that out.

I used to like Last Comic Standing. I'll probably watch it again, but I won't enjoy it. Before the last episode, I felt sorry for the only Viet guy there. They all picked on him. He even had my last name. Then I saw his comedy. Man, is it awful. He has the stereotypical high-pitched Asian voice doing material about his mom. Now I understand what the other houseguests saw in him. Then he kicks off Dave, easily the funniest guy there. His clumsy terrorist TV pilot idea was hilarious. Though I still wonder what's the point of having them live in the same house anyway. No one wants to see comedians living in the same house, right? Just have them do standup.

American Juniors is simple child exploitation just like the same show they had on NBC. That NBC show was horrendous especially when the concept changed to seniors even though Mario Lopez didn't seem to make the transition.

Again, not all reality TV is bad. Big Brother isn't bad, it just doesn't go far enough. We wanna see 12 killers in a house together or 12 sex-crazed people. Having their exes come in was interesting. It even drove a guy literally crazy. But after a week, nobody seems to care anymore. Survivor is always interesting, always seems to re-invent itself for the best. The Mole used to be smart and interesting before they dumbed it down for celebrities. The best show now is The Amazing Race, where you follow around teams as they travel around the world. This is the most interesting concept out there, even if this new cast is a bit boring. But like most good things on TV, not enough people watch it to allow it to stick around. Look what happened to Sports Night.

Tonight I went to a wedding. It was my sister-in-law's brother who was the groom. Since it was her side of the family, I didn't know anyone there, save for the people I sorta recognized from my brother's wedding a couple of years back. It was at the Mayflower, which seems so worn out since we've been there so many times. They sat us with a bunch of old people who were just unfriendly. They only spoke Cantonese so communicating was a bit of a problem. An old man called out the dishes as they come out, shouting aloud when he knew what it was, and wondering even louder when he didn't. The lady next to him always waited for everyone to get a piece of food before scavenging all for herself in box after box. It seemed as though she brought her own boxes. Suffice it to say, no leftovers for us. The newlyweds were nice, but they were awful at the games. Blindfolded, the groom didn't recognize the kiss of her bride and she didn't recognize the feel of his leg. And she couldn't run an egg up the groom's leg. Oh well. Also felt sorry for the people speaking. The bride's side stayed pretty quiet but the groom's side couldn't shut up. You could barely hear what anyone at the microphone was saying, and I was next to the speaker!

Before the wedding, I finished up the book Moneyball. It's a fascinating read about how the Oakland A's could be so successful in an environment that called money galore. The mastermind himself, Billy Beane, was a star coming out of high school but could never made it big in the big leagues. He soon felt it wasn't right for him to play and turned to scouting. From his own experiences, he knew looking like a traditional baseball player didn't guarantee success. The real truth lies in the statistics. College-based ones at that; rarely would he draft anyone from high school. Once you compare major leaguers, don't just compare homers and rbi, instead emphasize on-base percentage, since people with high obp's will usually score runs and be cheap at the same time. For pitchers, saves is a worthless category. And sometimes you have to be lucky. With a little creativity in the payroll department, you've got the $40-50 million Oakland Athletics battling teams with double the payroll. Traditionalists may doubt the methods employed in this book, but the system works.

BART opened up its extension to the airport and Millbrae. It looks wonderful. The international terminal is just a few steps away when you walk out the train. If you go the other way, you're up an escalator and onto a tram to the other terminals. In Millbrae, things get a bit trickier. First of all, it's a behemoth, 5 platforms total. If you're coming from Bay Point and want to go north on Caltrain, transferring is a breeze, the gates are right there when you step out of the train. Otherwise, you gotta climb stairs and follow directions led on by very small signs. It's a hassle, but at least it gets to Millbrae, home of many fine restaurants instead of stopping in Colma, home of many burial plots.

Finally, earlier in the week, I saw a UC cop riding on one of those new Segway transporters. First, it costs thousands of dollars, they could've spent it on something better. Second, why not just walk like the police following behind you? Third, people look really goofy when they ride on one of those things. Fourth, those things are big; takes up an entire sidewalk, good thing she was riding it through Sproul. Fifth, she was riding it through Sproul and trying desperately to avoid the foot traffic behind her. Sixth, did they buy just one? What if it gets stolen? Okay, I think that's it. I'll come up with more questions later.

Swimming Pool
Like the previous review of "Alex and Emma", Swimming Pool contains an accomplished writer who seeks help from an opposite personality in order to finish a book. But while the first gets dragged down by cheesy romance and inevitable conflict, the latter's relationship adds intrigue and mystery to an interesting film.

Sarah Morton (Charlotte Rampling) is stuck at a crossroads. She's a lonely woman and the successful author of the Inspector Dorwell series. When it's obvious she's tired and out of ideas, her publisher suggests that she use his vacation home in France. She agrees and is instantly transformed into a new person, taking advantage of the privacy and peacefulness; ready to tackle another book. That is, until his daughter Julie (Ludivine Sagnier) arrives unexpectedly. She returns to her little shell while her opposite drinks, strolls around the pool nude all day, and has sex with whomever she gets to bring back at night. As Sarah gets used to her presence, it's obvious they have a lot more in common than they realized and slowly, Sarah retreats from her shell to enjoy the things Julie does. But more often than not, she is intrigued in the life that Julie leads and as it happens, her book suddenly takes a whole new direction.

I don't buy the way the film heads into the direction that it does in its climax, but its denouement and small twist at the end redeem that in my mind. Director Francois Ozon creates the aura of privacy in a vast world with sweeping shots of absolutely nothing but giving the sense of some kind of presence. Both Rampling, 58, and Sagnier, 24, give strong, sensual performances. Rampling especially shows her range throughout the pic transforming from an old woman to a proper wild child. Sagnier is a sight to see, both on-screen and in her performance. This calculating pic isn't a blow-by-blow thriller but instead builds up its suspense quietly and assuredly. 3 stars

Alex and Emma
Cuban loan sharks have descended upon the apartment of Alex Sheldon (Luke Wilson) seeking the $100,000 he owes them. Of course, Alex doesn't have it...yet. Alex's fate lies in the hands of a book he's writing. It's been 11 months now but hasn't written a single sentence. Since the sharks have just broken his computer, Alex needs the services of a typist, in this case, Emma Dinsmore (Kate Hudson). With her presence as a muse to kick ideas back and forth, Alex suddenly has the ideas to finish his book. But where is the line between fantasy and reality? As the romance develops in his story, Alex and Emma fall for each other as well. Is their love sustainable?

Jeez, it's a romantic comedy, of course it will. But even though you see it on screen, you don't seem to believe it. The crucial chemistry isn't there even if it's obvious they're having fun, especially Hudson who gets to play different characters as Wilson's character changes the maid in his story. Director Rob Reiner, with yet another part in a movie, submits another uneven direction, trying to capture the magic found in his "When Harry Met Sally" and other successful films when all he does is copy its best parts rather poorly. The movie is loosely based on the writer Fyodor Dostoyevsky and his love life with his typist. I must stress the word loosely because I don't think a writer of Dostoyevsky's caliber could write such crap as Sheldon's novel obviously is. If it wasn't for Hudson's beauty and, at some spots, energy, this film would be an absolute dud. 1.5 stars

Legally Blonde 2: Red, White, and Blonde
Reese Witherspoon is back as Elle Woods, as cute as ever. She's managed to become a rising star at a local law firm, but when her animal rights activism gets in the way of her work, she gets fired. In preparation for her wedding, she intends to invite the mother of her dog Bruiser, but finds she's being held at a cosmetic testing facility and have no intention of freeing her since what they are doing is legal. Elle thus heads to Washington D.C. to change the law. There, she is met with the usual politicking, from low-level staffers fighting their way up the ladder to politicians trading favors. But with her connections to her sorority and Bruiser, Elle manages to get her bill into Congress. Getting it passed takes a last-minute twist to overcome.

With a different director (Charles Herman-Wurmfeld from Kissing Jessica Stein) and different writers (3 of them!), they did their best to emulate the style of Elle Woods, but it becomes just a cheap imitation without the charm of the first one. Part of this is because the things Elle was known for in the first movie expire way too early in the second. She grows up before our very eyes becoming a serious woman and a savvy politician instead of the lady who does things her own way. So, without this key element, the writers had to rely on the ditzy motions of her friends, which (among them include crazy haircuts and a cheerleading sequence among interns) fall flat on the floor. And speaking of falling flat, what's with the original premise? She's inviting her dog's mother to a wedding. She's supposed to be smart and ditzy, not flat-out dumb. As a result, its few funny scenes to get an idea onto a bill and into law can't save the movie. 1.5 stars

Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines
The third installment of the Terminator series finds itself without director James Cameron and stars Edward Furlong and Linda Hamilton. But all you need is Arnold. Schwarzenegger here is sent back once again to protect John Connor, now played by Nick Stahl, who for some odd reason looks strangely like Doctor Bashir from DS9. The nemesis now is the T-X (Kristanna Loken) which has all the powers of the T-1000 from T2 plus the ability to take control of other machines. With John nowhere to be found, the T-X focuses on his lieutenants, including Kate Brewster (Claire Danes). The trio of the terminator, Kate and John must run again to prevent Judgment Day from happening, now a few years late from its original August 29, 1997 date. Skynet is about to go operational as the Pentagon is worried about a new super-virus spreading to all computers throughout the world. They're convinced that Skynet can seek out the virus and destroy it. But as we all know from T2, Skynet becomes self-aware and takes control launching nuclear missiles everywhere. Kate's father happens to be the military guy in charge of the operation and so that's where they must go to prevent the looming nuclear winter.

This simply is a rehash of T2. I liked T2 so that isn't necessarily a bad thing. But there's something missing and that seems to be the human touch. In T2, you had John, an innocent boy thrown into the wild world with no one to look up to except a mother who's been judged crazy. Throw the terminator in there and you've got instant father figure. You see the connections grow right before your eyes, bridging the gap between man and machine. You've also got the strong female figure in Sarah to pull everyone together. The perfect dysfunctional family who you know will make a difference. In T3, you again have John, now a strong independent man. His character doesn't crave human contact and thus is judged to be distant. As a result, the connections between this new trio is non-existent, no matter how things go now or are supposed to be in the future. You're supposed to be seeing future leaders, but instead it seems they're portrayed as helpless, waiting for the next person to tell them what to do.

As for the film, it's well done. Director Jonathan Mostow mastered the silence and claustrophobia of U-571 and now has done well in filming loud explosions and city blocks of mass destruction. They took a lot from the last movie, from a chase through L.A. to lines of dialogue, but it works as does the shots of nuclear fallout. Loken, Danes, and Stahl are all fine performers in this venture, but their parts pale in comparison to T2's Robert Patrick, Hamilton, and Furlong. The signature lines that struck a chord with audiences in the last movie, as well as some new ones, fall completely flat here. And what I hate about some movies is when they leave it open for an uncertain next movie, which they so obviously do here. It seems to me this would be a fine jumping off point for the series unless Cameron comes back and leads the series in a new direction. It's also assuming Schwarzenegger isn't governor anytime soon. 3 stars

Hollywood Homicide
Harrison Ford and Josh Hartnett play detectives with second jobs who must solve a murder in another buddy-cop movie. Ford is a real estate agent who has invested a lot of money on a mountaintop mansion and as a result is falling short financially. His latest venture is to sell the mansion of a Hollywood producer. Hartnett is a yoga instructor in it for the sex and lookin to hit it big as an actor, so far with no success. A rapper has been shot at a club and Ford and Hartnett have been assigned as lead detectives. There are a myriad of suspects yet the two have trouble finding the evidence to convince one of them. Hot on their heels is internal affairs, led by Bruce Greenwood, who seems to have a vendetta against Ford.

This has all the elements of a great buddy-cop movie with one small problem. The buddies. Ford and Hartnett simply have no chemistry together. The movie is at its strongest, and funniest, when these two are separated on-screen. When they're together, it's pretty painful to watch. There's also a lot going on, from the murder, which gets forgotten about for about half the movie, the real estate deal, the yoga, the internal affairs, a fortune teller, a potential informant, Mount Olympus, etc, etc, etc. So you see, it's pretty tough to follow. Eventually, you will laugh, and there are a few good things to laugh about, but once you do, you'll wonder what it has to do with anything. 1.5 stars

It's been a quiet 4th of July. BBQ here. BBQ at my uncle's place. Fireworks on the freeway. That sorta thing. But the one thing I wanted to comment on was the hockey signings that changed the landscape of the West.

Colorado and Detroit have long been considered the powers of the conference. Dallas is close behind and St. Louis behind them. The Sharks were nowhere near them and have fallen behind them with this season's pathetic performance. On July 3, the strong got stronger.

Colorado signed Teemu Selanne and Paul Kariya, a power duo when they both played for the Ducks, faltered when they separated, and now are back again. Kariya's signing is more noteworthy since he took a pay cut, lowering his salary from $10 million to $1.2 million. This means Colorado now has the services of Kariya, Selanne, Joe Sakic, Peter Forsberg, and Rob Blake. It's a good thing Patrick Roy retired or else it would have been very unfair.

Detroit, while Sergei Federov has chosen not to re-sign with them, did improve their defense by signing Derian Hatcher, upgrading an already strong corps anchored by Lidstrom and Chelios. They also retained the rights of goalie Dominik Hasek, who led them to their last Stanley Cup. Apparently, being swept by the Ducks isn't sitting easy.

So, you ask, you're a Sharks fan. What have they done? Absolutely nothing. Okay, they did some things, but it just doesn't compare. How do I know? Mark Purdy in the Mercury News wrote that doing nothing was the Wilson plan all along. We just have to wait to see the results next year. For the record, observers say the Sharks had a good draft including picking up the player most ready to be in the NHL this year, Milan Michalek. They also picked up in a trade from the Avs Scott Parker, a goon who will fight a lot. The Sharks had gone on the principle of team toughness, the idea that if we are physical as a team, nobody will push us around. But when people did push them around, they pushed back but not to the point of dropping the gloves. As a result, Parker was picked up to drop the gloves at a moment's notice.

We got legendary Mark Messier for an hour. By not re-signing Messier, the New York Rangers would have received nothing. By trading him to the Sharks for future considerations, the Rangers will eventually get something and the Sharks pick up another draft pick if they don't sign him.

How did the Sharks react when Selanne signed with the Avs? According to the news release, at least they get a draft pick to compensate. At this rate, something better happen soon to boost the confidence level or else it'll be another long year.

Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle
Cameron Diaz, Drew Barrymore, and Lucy Liu are back as Natalie, Dylan, and Alex to solve another mystery for Charlie. This one involves two rings that decode the identities of everyone in the Witness Protection Program including Dylan herself, who witnessed a murder committed by her then-boyfriend Seamus O'Grady. The rings fall out into the open after one holder (Robert Patrick) was captured and the other (Bruce Willis) was killed. Demi Moore shows up as the disgruntled angel Madison Lee, forced out after suffering a bullet wound. She plays the mastermind of the whole operation, out to sell the rings to the highest bidder.

Well, the movie delivers what it promises: half-naked women frolicking around doing martial arts and whatnot. But, stealing a line from one of my professors, you can dazzle them with brilliance or baffle them with BS. Director McG and the writers have obviously chosen the latter; the entire thing doesn't make any sense. I'm lucky enough to get a 5 sentence summary. Madison obtains the rings early on in the movie, gives them to O'Grady, gets them back after the Angels take them, and comes back to sell them to O'Grady? Why didn't she sell them in the first place? Anyway, precious words shouldn't be used to describe the plot; it's a waste of time. Bernie Mac plays the new Bosley, but he doesn't get much to work with to play much of a role. Matt LeBlanc and Luke Wilson stand around as the boyfriends and John Cleese has a perpetual surprised look on his face as he finds out what his daughter Alex really does for a living. It results in a compilation of knockoffs of other shows that only serve to show off the bodies on-screen. 1.5 stars