Thanks to everybody for coming out to the two BBQ's. I've finished off the last of the hamburgers and the salads, but the hot dogs will stay in the freezer and the watermelon uncut. As for the wraps, I just don't know.

I was driving behind a car yesterday that was for sale. Ford Escort for $1500. Everything in excellent condition the sign read. Too bad the brake lights don't work. Almost hit it.

This week, my computer was fixed. Just about nobody wanted to fix the hinges on my laptop, and if they did, it would cost in excess of $200. So I found this shop just across the expressway that said they'd do it for $100 flat (no hourly fees). So the guy couldn't get to it til the end of the day. No problem I said, I'll just get it at the end of my workday. 4:00, 5:00, 6:00, 7:00. I'm getting restless. Finally, it's done and I get a call at 8:30 saying it's done. By this time, I'm at home. When I went to pick it up, he explains: "yeah, I've got repairs in here that take 45 minutes and I'm charging them $150. Yours took 4 hours and I'll still charge you a $100. "

Sucker.

Spoiler for X-Men 3 if you haven't watched it yet. I think I've figured out how the filmmakers redeemed themselves for making such a bad movie. Magneto moving the chess piece and someone identifying himself as Professor Xavier could only mean that the filmmakers were saying "yeah, we screwed up, so when number 4 rolls out, forget this 3rd one ever happened."

Looking for that special late summer trip? The Cal Alumni Association is offering a trip to North Korea the week before Labor Day! Don't everyone jump at the chance all at once.

I may or may not elaborate more on this later but lemme just say right now that the X-Men 3 movie flat out sucks.

Happy birthday to this blog. It turns 4. Time for its annual review. Learned anything? (Nope.) Laughed at anything? (Nope.) Embarrassed you know the guy who writes this? (Most definitely.)

I finally figured out the name of the game show I was thinking about a couple of years ago. On "I'm Telling", siblings would have to answer questions about each other. The team with the most correct answers would go to earn prizes based upon what they think the other would choose. Matching 10 would let them get all 20 prizes.

Look away if you didn't watch the 24 finale. Out of all the things that were so implausible this season, could someone explain how the Chinese could have kidnapped Jack Bauer, beat him up, brought him to a ship and was far clear from the port in less than 10 minutes? It couldn't be helicopter, right? The agents securing the place should've heard it.

Supposedly, I'm having a BBQ this Saturday, so if you're reading this and I know who you are and you're gonna be in the area, lemme know if you wanna come and what you're bringing.

The Sharks were just eliminated from the playoffs. Great season, disappointing end. Now I get to pull this fact out like I do every year the Sharks are eliminated. No team that has defeated the Sharks in the playoffs has gone on to win the Stanley Cup that year. So well-done Oilers, but you'll most likely lose in one of the next two rounds.

At my annual review, my boss said he was glad he didn't hire a dweeb. Umm, that's good, right?

The Sharks are getting desperate now. They've lost 3 in a row and now they try to break the streak in Edmonton in Game 6. There will be a lot of second-guessing as to how the Sharks let this series slip away if they lose. Chief among them: sticking with Toskala in net. Putting him in tonite is the correct move even after giving up 12 goals in 2 games, but they should've given Nabokov more game time down the stretch to be ready to step in. As it stands, he is simply not in game shape to just step in and win the next two games. Otherwise, the team needs to stay focused and play a full 60 minutes. Within the last two losses, there were flashes of their former glory, but they were few and far between.

Did you know you can watch 10 episodes of Head of the Class on AOL's In2TV? What a treat.

I watched M:i:III the other day and was disappointed. It certainly looked great but the story was ill-conceived. Not enough Philip Seymour Hoffman. More masks. But the worst part was its striking similarity to Alias, one of my favorite shows (about to have its series finale in a couple of weeks). It's no coincidence that both were helmed by J.J. Abrams. The L.A. Times chronicled some of the instances in a recent article.

The "Let's Skip the Intros and Just Cut to the Mayhem" Moment
"Alias": The first scenes of the pilot find spy Sydney Bristow (Garner) bloodied and bound to a chair in a dark, ominous room, where she is menaced by a mysterious villain. How she got into this pickle is related in flashbacks later in the episode.
"M:i:III": The first scene of the film finds spy Ethan Hunt (Cruise) bloodied and bound to a chair in a dark, ominous room, where he is menaced by a mysterious villain. How he got into this pickle is related in flashbacks later in the film.

The "Spies Like Excellent Health Benefits" Moment
"Alias": Sydney's fiancé is a doctor who has no idea she is a spy.
"M:i:III": Ethan's fiancée is a nurse who has no idea he is a spy.

The "Spies Have Boring Cover Stories" Moment
"Alias": Sydney tells her friends she works for a bank.
"M:i:III": Ethan tells friends he works for the traffic department.

The "Spies Should Get Caller ID" Moment
"Alias" : Sydney gets a call at home from "Joey's Pizza," which is spy agency code for "Your Country Needs You to Get to Work."
"M:i:III": Ethan gets a call at home from "Ready Travel Resort Services," which is spy agency code for "Your Country Needs You to Get to Work."

The "OK, What Is My Mission and No, I Don't Want a Big Gulp" Moment
"Alias": Sydney first meets her operations handler Michael Vaughn (Michael Vartan) at a convenience store, where they both pretend to shop for Twinkies while discussing the mission. Sydney declines Michael's offer for a Slushee.
"M:i:III": Ethan meets his operations manager, John Musgrave (Billy Crudup), at a convenience store, where they both pretend to hunt for Twinkies while discussing the mission. Ethan advises Musgrave to get the "900-ounce Slurpee.

"The "Hit Me With Your Best Adrenalin Shot" Moment
"Alias": Sydney rescues a barely conscious Vaughn from bad guys, reviving him with an Adrenalin shot to the heart.
"M:i:III": Ethan rescues a barely conscious fellow agent, Lindsey Farris (Keri Russell), from bad guys, reviving her with an Adrenalin shot to the heart.

The "I Look More Needy if I'm on a Roof" Moment
"Alias": Sydney, not wanting to give her real mission away, summons her friend, reporter Will Tippin (Bradley Cooper), to a rooftop and asks for help, telling him, "You just have to trust me."
"M:i:III": Ethan, not wanting to give his real mission away, summons his fiancée to the rooftop, asks for help, begging her to "trust me."

The "Didn't I Blow Your Mind This Time" Moment
"Alias": Bad guys plant an explosive device in Will's head.
"M:i:III:" Bad guys plant an explosive device in Ethan's head (and one in Lindsey's too).

The "Head Fu" Moment
"Alias": When the bound Sydney's torturer gets a little too close to her face, she head-butts him, manages to fight out of her restraints and knocks him unconscious.
"M:i:III": When the bound Ethan's adversary gets too close to him, he bites him, manages to fight out of his restraints and knocks him unconscious.

The "Spies Pay No Attention to Dress Codes" Moment
"Alias": Sydney attends a black-tie event in a foreign country in a form-fitting red dress.
"M:i:III": One of Ethan's accomplices, Zhen (Maggie Q), attends a black-tie event in a foreign country in a form-fitting red dress.

The "Slow Talking Techno-Nerds Need Not Apply" Moment
"Alias": Marshall (Kevin Weisman) is a fast-talking nerd who helps Sydney carry out assignments.
"M:i:III": Benji (Simon Pegg) is a fast-talking computer nerd who helps Ethan carry out assignments.

I was at Game 2 of the Western Conference Semifinals last night at the arena and quite honestly, it was pandemonium out there. Noise level getting to 113 decibels. Every person in the building transfixed at the black disc sliding across the white ice. The Oilers failing to score on a 5 on 3 powerplay where 2 of the 3 didn't have a stick. Joe Thornton scoring his first goal of this playoffs. And most importantly, the Sharks winning, earning a 2-0 series lead with 5 more games to play to knock out Edmonton.

On this Monday last year, I started my job. And look! They haven't fired me yet! Don't know why.

I had 2 missed calls on my cell and I didn't recognize the number. So I didn't bother returning the call. This person then called for a third time so I answered it. It was from a girl named Sheila and asked whether some job was filled. My words to her were, "No, I'm sorry, you've got the wrong number." Apparently, she only heard the "No, I'm sorry" part cuz she quickly gave me a f--- you and hung up. Yep, future workforce of America, folks.

My brother let me know that Steven Seagal will be performing at the Fillmore in June. Yes, the Steven Seagal. He's a musician too. Man, this guy can do everything. Quite possibly, the power of music is spreading. Just look at this review on Amazon...best piece of fiction I've read lately.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0009SQ520/sr=8-2/qid=1146164508/ref=pd_bbs_2/103-9806166-2937460?%5Fencoding=UTF8

Dear Mr. Seagal,

Tuesday, February 12th, was a pretty average day for me. I woke up, brushed my teeth, had my morning glass of mayonnaise, put on my beret, tossed my scarf over my shoulder, heaved a heavy sigh and ventured out into the cold. The suspension on my electric scooter sagged deeply, not unlike my longing heart. While the vanity bumper sticker that Mother had bought me proclaimed "A smile a day keeps the doctor away", I was a very, very lonely 42 year old man. I was morbidly obese and quite frankly, I didn't have the most pleasant odour about me. I was lucky if even that kid with the club foot that everyone chased after school would wave to me when I passed.

Doing the rounds of my paper route, I rode by my local music store. I heard Something about Lollipops emanating from the speaker. I heard the low and shrill sound and it immediately began soothing my jangled nerves. Little did I know that this little piece of plastic, with the wondroous words and lyrics of Steven Seagal burned onto it for all of eternity with a laser, was soon to change my life.

I immediately got out of my scooter, ran into the store, took a few minutes to try to catch my breath. Finally I was able to gasp out to the clerk: "That Cd. That voice of the angels. I need to have it now". I bought several copies in case I became hungry on the way home. I rushed home, changed into my athletic gear and utility belt and immediately began doing pushups. It was like I was a man possesed. I didn't know it at the time, but this CD harnessed the work ethic, the martial arts prowess and, above all, the stunning handsomness and fashion sense of Steven Seagal into one small package. All that I had to do was press play and I was transformed into the essence of Casey Ryback, ex-navy seal, counter-terrorist expert and environmental mercenary.

To the sounds of Mr. Seagal I was able to shed my weight and began taking daily showers. I now entertain several women per week, sometimes even several per day. I am making over $5000 a week stuffing envelopes from home. My life has become full of many smiles a day, and I look forward to each day with more anticipation than the last. I owe it all to the inspiring and electrifying work being done each and every day by Steven Seagal.

Thank you, Steven Seagal.

Your friend in arms,
Kevin Keast, Toronto, Ontario