Avril Lavigne. Oh, where did everything go wrong?

A person who will remain nameless caught wind of a free concert by Avril at the Southland Mall in Hayward. And well, guess who was subject to the misery.

We arrived at 4 as scheduled. But signs pointed out things wouldn't start til 5. I suggested we hang out at the mall.

"NOOOO! We gotta line up and wait there!"

Umm, okay.

So we wait. And wait. And wait. The crowds started to form. Predictably, the young kids came out along with their parents. Spring Break, you know. Then the young teens came out. Though right next to me was this 20s looking fellow wearing all this black makeup and reading an Avril magazine. Quite disturbing.

Every once in a while, these AOL guys would come out (AOL was the sponsor of this little thing) to rile up the crowd with AOL chants and throw some AOL walker guy stuffed toys. Do those things have names?

As the time approached, the emcee walked out.

I really like that commercial from Southwest Airlines where the rapper goes "Thank you Detroit! We love you!" And then his bandmate next to him informs him that Detroit was last night. Well, this emcee came out and said "Heeeelllllloooooo San Francisco!!!" To which the entire crowd gasped in horror. This is Hayward. We're so far away from San Francisco. The emcee tries to correct himself by saying that he knows they're in Hayward but the two were close enough. Ehhh, no.

At 5:10, Avril walks out. Lots of pre-adolescent girls screamed at the top of their lungs creating a high-pitched noise that almost popped my ears. Sings a few songs, some oldies that were irritating, some newbies that were even more irritating. Best move by her? She sitting in a stool while playing a guitar and singing instead of standing like an idiot. The aforementioned guy next to me seems enchanted. Then with the snap of a finger, she's outta there. 5:30 and my feet hurt. So like her, I'm outta there as fast as I could, headed to the food court for some refreshment as I try to drown this experience away.