Happy New Year folks, and while not much has changed for me one week later, mostly meeting friends and family and whatnot, the world certainly has.

If you believe the news media though, the most earth-shattering event that has occured was Britney Spears getting married in Las Vegas and then having it annuled 55 hours later. People close to them claim that Britney was of sound mind and body when they got married. Well, we know at least half of that statement is right. But eventually, it was the realization of what they were getting into that was the end of it and soon enough, it would be described as a joke. So they weren't prepared? Let's see, they limo to the chapel, are denied for not having a marriage license, go to the courthouse and get the license, and then go back to get married. Seems to me they thought it through. The big loser? The brief husband, Jason Alexander (George from Seinfeld?), who did not have the presence of mind to sign some pre-nup to cover him for the rest of his life.

Then there's the crazy Ohio lady who believed she won the lottery. The jackpot was $168 million and a lady filed a police report saying she lost the winning ticket after she dropped her purse in a store parking lot. The news was so astounding to some that people came to the parking lot in the middle of the night armed with flashlights to try to find it. Meanwhile, the next day, another lady claimed the jackpot after she had the winning ticket and a ticket from the previous week to prove she has used these numbers before. However, the first lady, who admits she has had a questionable past, still believes it is her ticket. We'll see how this goes.

Then there's Mars. After the Europeans failed to land on Mars, NASA one-upped them by landing Spirit on the Mars surface and taking a picture of some rocks. Yep, $400 million well spent. While I wish them luck on their quest for life in a mysterious mud puddle they've landed on, here's hoping an alien pops up, laughs at the primitive technology and throws it across the valley.

Then there's rock, paper, scissors. Now here's a sport destined to follow in the line of wacky things to be seen on ESPN (preceded by the Spelling Bee, the Math Bowl, the Geography Bee, miniature golf, chess, scrabble, among others). The current issue of Rolling Stone features a commentary on the World Rock, Paper, Scissors championship. 320 competitors get whittled down to one for the $5,000 check through best of three contests. What's next...pick a number?

Then there's the presidency. Primary season starts up soon as Democrats eliminate 8 nominees to get 1 guy to face George W. Bush in November. The first caucus, in Iowa, occurs January 19. The front runner is Howard Dean, quickly brushed off just a year ago, but now a contender thanks to his grassroots efforts. Rising though is General Wesley Clark, widely rumored to be a Vice Presidential candidate, but if he's so popular as a V.P., why not go for the big one? And that's exactly what he's done. The frontrunners from a year ago are behind these two: Gephardt, Kerry, and Lieberman. John Edwards needs to win his birth state of South Carolina to have any hope in the race and Sharpton, Braun, and Kucinich hope to have their voice heard. A debate was held yesterday and Kucinich was the noteworthy one with his dazzling array of pie charts a la Perot in 1992. Only problem? It was a radio only debate.

Then there's Mad Cow Disease. People seem to be taking this issue with ease. Even though mad-cow infected beef made its way to Maxim Market in East San Jose and 6 area restaurants, there doesn't seem to be any beef backlash or boycotts. The In and Out Burger I went to was packed. Then again, if you want a place that serves no beef whatsoever, head to Taco Bell.

Then there's Cal. Geez, one semester left and look, I didn't do half-bad last semester. Really, I think it was my best one. Of course, I was distracted by the sports. It seems in college sports, when you have football and basketball, only one is bound to be successful, you can't have both. Sure, there are exceptions but Cal is no exception. As football languished in last place, basketball flew high with a NIT championship and 3 straight NCAA tournament appearances. Now, football is becoming revitalized, highlighted by the Insight Bowl win over Virginia Tech. And what happened? Basketball now sucks. Sure, we can point to the three freshmen starting and the slumps last year's starters are in, but the media and the coaches had high hopes for the team, expectations that are not being met. It hit bottom when Cal lost to Washington State at home, where Cal had lost 5 times in the last three years yet have already lost 3 times this year alone. Washington State is by no means a basketball power, yet, and Cal did lead heading into the final few minutes. Now the team is 5-6 with 16 games to go. Usually, 17 wins are enough to make the tournament, meaning they need to finish 13-5 in the conference, a tough task since last year's stellar team also went 13-5.

Finally, Mitch Hedberg's new CD is out in stores entitled Mitch All Together. $9 at deepdiscountdvd.com. Here are some quick one-liners.

-I like refried beans. That's why I want to try fried beans 'cause maybe they're just as good and we're just wasting time.

-Mr. Pibb is the replica of Dr. Pepper, but it's the B-S replica 'cause the dude didn't even get his degree. Why'd you have to drop out and make pop so soon?

-I went to a doctor and all he did was suck blood out of my neck. So don't go to see Dr. Acula.

-I wanna hang a map of the world in my house and then I'm gonna put pins into all the locations that I've traveled to but first, I'm gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map so it won't fall down.

-I've got a business card 'cause I wanna win some lunches.

-I bought myself a parrot; the parrot talked but it did not say "I'm hungry" so it died.

The Spring Movie Preview, technically covering most of the winter movies, is coming up next. The one with the most controversy is "The Passion of the Christ" opening on Ash Wednesday, February 25. From Catholic Mel Gibson, it documents the last hours of Jesus before his crucifixion in Jerusalem. Whatever religion you are, this movie is sure to spark discussion. You can search for the real trailer on the web, but for a little comic relief on such a serious subject, watch this version of the trailer re-dubbed to the tune of Kill Bill's "Battle Without Honor or Humanity".